Yep, game journalists still idiots

I read Kotaku pretty regularly just to see what's on the horizon. I don't play many games anymore, but it's summer break and I've got time for one or two. Besides, old habits die hard. Anyway, as of the last day or so, writers on the site have been periodically shitting out editorials regarding Roger Ebert's acknowledging that videogames may very well become something that somehow resembles art...

The trouble with flat out saying, "No, Kotaku, Ocarina of Time is not a work of art, you're stupid, stop it STOP IT NOW," is that the definition of the word has become so subjective. According to the dictionary, anything and everything is a work of art:

art
1    /ɑrt/ Show Spelled[ahrt] Show IPA
–noun
1.
the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.
What the fuck does that mean?
2.
the class of objects subject to aesthetic criteria; works of art collectively, as paintings, sculptures, or drawings: a museum of art; an art collection.
So any film, from Citizen Kane to 2 Fast 2 Furious is a work of art.
3.
a field, genre, or category of art: Dance is an art.
4.
the fine arts collectively, often excluding architecture: art and architecture.
5.
any field using the skills or techniques of art: advertising art; industrial art.
6.
(in printed matter) illustrative or decorative material: Is there any art with the copy for this story?
So my kitty calendar is a work of art.
7.
the principles or methods governing any craft or branch of learning: the art of baking; the art of selling.
8.
the craft or trade using these principles or methods.
9.
skill in conducting any human activity: a master at the art of conversation.
10.
a branch of learning or university study, esp. one of the fine arts or the humanities, as music, philosophy, or literature.
11.
arts,
a.
( used with a singular verb ) the humanities: a college of arts and sciences.
b.
( used with a plural verb ) liberal arts.
12.
skilled workmanship, execution, or agency, as distinguished from nature.
13.
trickery; cunning: glib and devious art.
14.
studied action; artificiality in behavior.
15.
an artifice or artful device: the innumerable arts and wiles of politics.
16.
Archaic . science, learning, or scholarship.

Bravo has a reality show dedicated to discovering the "next great artist"; how fucked up is that? How many tortured geniuses do you figure are hungry for the reality TV limelight? Furthermore, like many reality shows, the winners are pretty much cherry picked by the producers (which is why I figure the airhead with the big tits hasn't been eliminated yet). Even if the contest is a legitimate one, can we expect these douchebag, industry-autistic (because art has become an industry) panelists to really determine who's the best of the bunch when many great artists weren't even recognized in their own time, by their own contemporaries? I know it's just a fuckin' TV show but the more we think about what a farce it is, the more we realize what art isn't, the more capable we are of coalescing what it is from all the vaguery.

Lets shelve that "art is everything with an aesthetic element" definition for a second. We're just going to ignore it. It's not to say it's untrue, but often the literal definition of a word as it appears in a dictionary and its use in parlance can be pretty dissonant. So we're putting it on our brain-shelf.

Okay, now that we've shelved that, we're going to whip out our shitbox. Item by item, we're going to take things from the art pile and toss 'em in the shitbox. We'll try not to be too controversial about it.

Furry Vengeance, starring Brendan Fraser? Shitbox. Twilight series of books and films? Shitbox. I'd add Harry Potter too, but some of you'd piss your pants, so we'll leave it in. Halo series? Shitbox. Transformers? Shitbox. Hannah Montana? Shitbox. Bratz dolls? Shitbox.

We're just gonna take anything that we can reasonably assume was made purely for the profit of the product, and just toss it in there (we'll be liberal about it though, there'll be an appeals process later in the game). Back to the game:

IKEA office chair? Shitbox. Curtains? Shitbox. White coffee mug with Toyota logo? Shitbox. My ASUS EEE? Shitbox. My old, fat, Sony TV? Shitbox. Lets toss the PlayStation in there too. My electric fan, the shorts I'm wearing, my Batman t-shirt from Target... shitbox, shitbox, shitbox.

New category: anything that we can reasonably assume was made with a purely functionalist motive. Can-openers, light bulbs, tires. A product can be ingeniously constructed, but we're not going to call it art because it wasn't... wasn't... wasn't...

meant to be expressive? Wasn't some unique manner of expression? Doesn't exist to, at least partially, convey some fragment of the artist's identity?

We'll leave Starry Night and the Scream in the pile, a whole bunch of novels too... commissioned paintings, old school Renaissance portraiture is contentious, but I think it'd be just too damn controversial to shitbox it. I'd shitbox Legend of Zelda, all those fucking games are practically identical in pace and structure. I don't think Uncharted 2 is a work of art either; it's elegantly constructed and resembles a medium that often conveys works of artistic merit (film, as that Kotaku writer pointed out), but we don't really see any unique voice or solid message. I'd dump the Indiana Jones movies in the shitbox, especially the new one. Star Wars, Crash Bandicoot, Batman... shitbox.

And hey, I like Crash Bandicoot and Batman's been pretty okay in the past. We can like stuff and still not call it art. I like Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo (fucking awesome show), but I wouldn't call it art. I think Final Fantasy VII is a good game, wouldn't call that art either.

I believe games can be art, I believe some are art, but I also believe the vast, overwhelming majority are complete diarrhea. Absolute, abject diarrhea. I don't think Ebert was wrong in his initial assertion that they weren't, or at least I don't think he was necessarily coming from an ignorant vantage point. When the biggest selling titles are Halo, Modern Warfare, and Gears of War, those become the face of the industry and they have as much emotional or intellectual depth, as much poignancy, as a Michael Bay film. Games like ICO and Psychonauts, real auteur products, are few and far between and they sell poorly. The only real hope for that micro-genre is digital distribution, where risk taking doesn't necessarily spell bankruptcy.

I guess what really bothers me is that we have this coven of sanctimonious, pretentious shits, sporting liberal arts degrees that could've been cut out of cereal boxes, claiming to be journalists while dedicating their lives to writing about toys and they're so happy to jump on Ebert for making a statement that comes from a sensible standpoint. Sure, some games are art, but that's more a fortunate accident, that the people in the creative seats could even sneak genius under the noses of their corporate masters, than a feature of the medium. I could believe that the average gamer is above average intelligence, were there such a statistic, but I would absolutely not not believe that the average gamer is well-read. I would not believe that the average game developer is well-read. Hell, if they were, consumers would exercise way more discretion in the shit they buy (what the fuck was Kingdom Hearts even about?), and the games we see hitting store shelves wouldn't have narratives that felt like they were composed by fourth graders (Modern Warfare series, Assassin's Creed (in fact, anything by Ubisoft), Final Fantasy series, etc.).

Roger Ebert is an intelligent, often witty, and respected film critic. I may not always agree with him, but he deserves the benefit of the doubt. He sure as shit doesn't need to be 'pardoned' by some game journalist, especially when most games have as much substance as the blandest pornography.



...is this my least intelligible rant yet? I'm tired and frustrated and I'm getting ready to the hit gym soooo... maybe if I give enough of a shit I'll try for a second draft.